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Motivation Is Not a Personality Trait (And “Try Harder” Is Trauma Advice)

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  Most people believe motivation is something you either have or you don't. We talk about it as if it were a character trait, like being organized or outgoing. Some people are “driven.” Others are “lazy.” Some people just “try harder.” But neuropsychology tells a very different story. Motivation is not a moral quality. It is a biochemical and neurological process, largely driven by dopamine. Dopamine is not the pleasure chemical, as it is often described. It is the anticipation and drive chemical. It answers one central question in the brain: is this worth moving toward? When dopamine is flowing, people feel energized, curious, hopeful, and forward-moving. When dopamine is low, people feel flat, exhausted, avoidant, and unmotivated. Nothing about that is a character flaw. It is a nervous system state. This is why people can deeply want to change their lives and still feel unable to start. The desire is there. The drive is not. And that difference matters. Chronic stress, trauma, gr...
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When New Year’s Doesn’t Feel Like a Fresh Start

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New Year’s has been my favorite holiday for as long as I can remember. I love goal setting. I love the sense of possibility. I love any excuse to wear a sparkling black dress and most of all, I love symbolic reflection that finds the meaning in all things.  Every once in a while, I meet another stray weirdo like myself who shares this love. But most people prefer Christmas and Thanksgiving or maybe the Fourth of July. New Year’s, more often than not, is met with a groan. For a long time, I couldn’t understand that reaction. I genuinely didn’t get why people felt resistant to something that felt so energizing and hopeful to me. So I started observing it more closely, both casually and clinically. When I’d ask people about their New Year intentions, their plans, or how they wanted to step into the year ahead, the responses weren’t neutral. They were tense. Avoidant. Sometimes irritated. Often exhausted. That curiosity led me to look more closely at what people are actually reacting t...
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Grounded in Gratitude: How Thankfulness Resets the Mind and Body

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Thanksgiving is a time for… well… giving thanks! We do this by sharing copious amounts of food, spending time with the people we love, and trying our best to be present in the chaos. Some families even take it a step further and create intentional moments, like going around the table, saying what they’re grateful for, or playing gratitude-themed games with the kids. What many people don’t realize is that this is actually practicing gratitude. And practicing gratitude isn’t just a “feel-good holiday activity.” It’s one of the most powerful tools we have for strengthening mental health, building resilience, and improving our overall human experience. Gratitude is more than just a feeling. Gratitude is a powerful tool for emotional resilience—strengthening new positive neural pathways and improving empathy, emotional regulation, and connection. It literally helps regulate the nervous system and keeps us more grounded in a world that often moves too fast. Gratitude and Emotional States: Wh...
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