The Greenlight Mindset: Life Lessons from Matthew McConaughey

I’m doing this 6-month and 12-month challenge to build positive habits, improve my mindset, and deepen self-love. I love character-building and personal growth revamps—if for no other reason than to boss all the way up and remind myself that I am, in fact, a badass. I’ll write more about this specific challenge when I hit the 6-month mark, but for now, the core premise is simple: focus on adding value to my life rather than fixating on what I need to subtract, quit, or remove. This shift has been nothing short of revolutionary for my mindset—and honestly, for my life.

One of the more recent additions? Bringing reading back into my bedtime routine. It used to be a non-negotiable part of my night, but over the last few years, it just… disappeared. My bedtime routine became sporadic—going to bed at random hours, brushing my teeth, maybe taking off my makeup, maybe doing skincare, and definitely scrolling. (Yes, therapists have unhealthy habits too. We're human, just like you.)

The first book I picked up? Greenlights by Matthew McConaughey, and wow! What a fucking fantastic book!! I actually received it in a white elephant-style book exchange, where we wrote a little note inside for the recipient. Mine said:

"You have a choice—to slow down, stop, and let things become a red light, or to create greenlights by taking responsibility for today." ❤️

The timing could not have been more perfect for the space I was in. It felt like no coincidence.

And yet, I did what so many of us do—I put it on my nightstand, right on top of the stack of other dusty books I swore I’d read. And there it sat… until I made the intentional decision to add the habit of reading ten pages every night. It’s been one of the best gifts I’ve given myself. Since I have to read those pages, I simply don’t have time to scroll. See how that works?

So, let’s get into it, shall we?

There are so many lessons in Greenlights that when I sat down to write this post, I honestly didn’t know where to begin. After some journaling—and a good brainstorming session with ChatGPT—I zeroed in on a couple of themes that resonated deeply with me, both as a therapist and as a human on my own messy, ever-evolving journey.

One of those themes? Failure.

I often tell my patients who struggle with confidence and fear of failure: “If you haven’t failed at something recently, that’s the bigger problem. Go find something to fail at as soon as possible—because otherwise, you’re not really doing anything with your life.” I also say, “All successful people have one thing in common: they’re really, really good at failing.”

And I don’t just say these things—I believe them. I live by them. I remind myself of them constantly.

I, too, am really, really good at failing. 😁

Interestingly, Matthew’s (I’ll call him Matthew since I’ve now read his book and basically know him—lol)  life philosophy revolves around looking for greenlights. His mindset has evolved over time, but at its core, he has always believed in hope, optimism, and the idea that good things happen. Instead of focusing on red lights, he chooses to seek out the green ones.

His so-called “failures”—or what most people would perceive as failures—are actually redirections.

Instead of pounding his fists on the steering wheel of life when stuck at a red light, he just turns up the music and waits for it to turn green.

Sometimes, that wait required patience and trust, like when he decided to pivot in his career. Hollywood took a little while to catch up, so he simply waited—confident in his path. Other times, he found greenlights in the most unexpected places. Case in point:  he had a recurring wet dream about floating down a river in the Amazon, then seeing African tribal members. (Yes, you read that right. I’m telling you—this guy is a trip!)

That dream? A greenlight. It told him to go to the Amazon, and later, to Africa—where he gained profound insights about himself, the world, and his personal journey.

While in the Amazon, Matthew stayed in primitive locations, took psychedelics, and participated in ayahuasca ceremonies—all in pursuit of deeper self-awareness. His trip was an intensely introspective journey, one where he sought clarity about his identity and purpose.

The key takeaway from this experience? He realized he needed to stop chasing external validation and fully embrace who he was at his core.

During his time there, he took part in an indigenous ritual that required days of isolation, forcing him to sit with his thoughts, confront his inner world, and reflect deeply. In a transformative moment, he had a vision of himself—stripped of expectations, free from the weight of proving anything to anyone. That moment solidified his belief in trusting his intuition, surrendering to the flow of life, and letting things unfold rather than forcing them into place.

It was a profound greenlight moment—one that reinforced his philosophy of embracing life’s natural rhythm, following his instincts, and living for himself rather than for the approval of others.

The Africa trip was by far my favorite part of Greenlights. It was during this journey that Matthew learned the powerful concept of “communicating to understand” rather than “arguing to be right.”

At one point, he interjected into what seemed like a heated argument over the moral decisions of a village girl. When Matthew sided with one perspective, essentially saying he thought one side was “right,” one of the men firmly redirected him, saying,

“It is not about right or wrong. It is, do you understand?”

This wisdom is huge. To think there’s a place in the world where people are conditioned by their environment to communicate with each other for the purpose of understanding rather than trying to determine who is right or wrong, is amazing.

In our own world, one of the primary problems in all of our relationships—be it professional or personal—is a communication breakdown.

Too often, we engage in confrontation with the mindset that we need to protect and defend.

Americans, in particular, tend to have a very black-and-white or all-or-nothing mentality: “You believe in my god, or you’re going to hell.” “You look like me, or you don’t belong.” “You agree with my politics, or you’re the enemy.” “You think like me, or you’re a threat.” Just turn on the news for five minutes, and you’ll see several examples of this distorted social construct.

We’re conditioned by our environment to pick a side, rather than to understand the other side.

This happens on a large scale, but also on a smaller, daily scale—when we communicate with our family, coworkers, intimate partners, neighbors, and friends.

At its core, confrontation is an opportunity to understand. But far too often, we squander that opportunity by responding defensively and focusing on being right.

While in Africa, Matthew was challenged by the top wrestler in the village. He accepted the challenge, and it became the fight of his life. He got his ass handed to him, but he definitely held his own. When the match ended, he asked, “Did I win?” The response was,

"It’s not about win or lose. It’s about do you accept the challenge? When you did that, you already won."

If I hadn’t attended that book exchange, I probably never would have picked up Greenlights. Even though I’ve read a ton of books on psychology, self-help, spirituality, and philosophy, I wouldn’t have thought to read a book by Matthew McConaughey. I thought he was a great actor—easy on the eyes and definitely a character—but I had no idea he had so much depth. I guess I was reminded not to judge a book by its cover (see what I did there?).

Ultimately, Greenlights is now up there with my top 20 life-changing books. Whether you decide to give it a read or not, I hope you’re learning to accept yourself at your core. I hope you’re reminded that you won when you accepted the challenge. I hope that the next time you get into an argument, you remember to try to understand. And most of all, I hope you start looking for what can add value to your life. Look for the Greenlights.

I wish you lots of Greenlights on your journey!

Cristina Chinchilla, LCSW