Walking Depression: When the World Thinks You're Fine

Case Study (Anonymized): “Sara, the Smiling Achiever”

Sara is a 38-year-old working mother employed at an accounting firm. She’s widely known as dependable, upbeat, and always willing to help. She juggles a full-time job, raises two children, and also serves as a caregiver for her aging parents. To the outside world, Sara appears to have it all together. She never says "no"—whether it's her boss unfairly piling on extra projects or her neighbor frequently asking her to manage their full garden, greenhouse, and houseplants every time they travel (which happens every other month).

A couple of years ago, Sara experienced a breast cancer scare that completely shook her foundation. Although she received early detection and successful treatment, the fear triggered a cascade of symptoms: panic attacks, night terrors and waking up multiple times throughout the night. While she remains cancer-free during follow-up visits, the emotional impact of that period lingers.

Prior to her health crisis, Sara and her husband had been experiencing typical marital stress related to work, parenting, and finances. However, the strain intensified during her cancer treatment, and their emotional connection deteriorated further. Eventually, Sara discovered her husband was having an affair. They sought couples counseling, during which the therapist recommended that each partner pursue individual therapy as well—leading Sara to begin sessions with me.

During our first session, I asked Sara how long she had been feeling "depressed." She quickly replied, “I’m not depressed. I’m just in a funk.”

Yet privately, Sara feels hollow—like she’s operating on autopilot.

She’s exhausted, disconnected from joy, and often cries in the shower where no one can hear her. For months, she brushed it off as “just stress,” until her body began to rebel with chronic migraines and sleep disturbance.

In therapy, Sara began to uncover that what she was facing wasn't simply stress—but symptoms of depression. Beneath her smiling, high-achieving exterior is a woman carrying more than her fair share of emotional pain, longing for rest, connection, and permission to not always be “the strong one.”

Walking Depression

I’m often surprised by how frequently new clients come to therapy hoping to manage “stress,” but do not realize that they are struggling with very clear symptoms of depression as well.  Like Sara, they’ll often respond with something like, “I’m not depressed. I’m just going through a rough patch,” or, “I’m not really myself lately.” 

Many people associate depression with extremes: poor hygiene, being unable to get out of bed, suicidal thoughts, or emotional breakdowns that make daily functioning impossible.

And yes, those symptoms can be signs of depression — but they’re not the only ones.

Walking depression is not a formal clinical diagnosis, but it’s a term often used to describe people who appear high-functioning on the outside — they’re going to work, managing responsibilities, and maybe even smiling — while privately feeling hopeless, emotionally numb, and chronically disconnected. They may be struggling in their relationships, feel little joy in things they once loved, or sense a deep lack of meaning or purpose in their lives. They may be overwhelmed but unsure why, or emotionally detached but still going through the motions.

Signs and Symptoms of Walking Depression

Because walking depression doesn’t always look like the stereotypical image of depression, it often goes unnoticed — even by the person experiencing it. 

Here are some of the common signs:

• Emotional Numbness or Disconnection: You may not feel deep sadness, but you don’t feel much of anything. Joy, excitement, and even grief can feel distant or muted.

• Persistent Fatigue: You’re tired all the time, even after a full night’s sleep. It’s a different kind of exhaustion — one that feels like it lives in your bones.

• Loss of Interest in Things You Once Enjoyed: Hobbies, social time, even your favorite shows or music don’t spark much emotion. You might still do them, but it feels empty.

• Overfunctioning: You may throw yourself into work, caregiving, or productivity as a way to distract from how you feel — or because slowing down feels too vulnerable.

• Irritability or Restlessness: You’re snappy, anxious, or easily overwhelmed, even if nothing is “technically” wrong.

• Isolation in Plain Sight: You may still be around others, but feel lonely. Conversations feel surface-level, and you avoid deeper emotional connection.

• Physical Symptoms: Headaches, digestive issues, and sleep disturbances often show up when the mind is struggling but can’t ask for help directly.

• Self-Medicating: Turning to food, alcohol, screen time, or overworking as a way to numb or escape.

Why It’s So Hard to Detect

Walking depression is tricky — not because it’s rare, but because it hides in plain sight.

People who experience it often don’t look depressed. They may be showing up to meetings, taking care of others, and cracking jokes at dinner. In fact, many people with walking depression are high achievers — the ones who keep pushing through, who are seen as “strong” or “the one who has it all together.”

There are a few reasons it flies under the radar:

• Cultural Conditioning: Many of us are taught to downplay emotional pain. We praise resilience and independence, even when it comes at the cost of our mental health. Admitting that we’re struggling can feel like failure.

• Internalized Stigma: The idea of being “depressed” doesn’t match how many people see themselves — especially if they’re still functioning. So they rename it: stress, burnout, or just being in a rut.

• No Big Red Flags: There may not be a breakdown or crisis moment. Instead, it’s a slow, quiet erosion of joy, energy, and emotional connection. The signs are subtle — until they’re not.

• Busyness as a Mask: When you're always in motion, it’s easy to avoid feeling. High productivity can become a way to bypass the discomfort of emotional pain.

That’s why recognizing walking depression is so important — because without awareness, it can go untreated for months or even years. When that happens, a major collapse is imminent.

Healing from Walking Depression

The good news? Just because you’ve been functioning doesn’t mean you have to keep surviving silently. Healing is possible — and often begins with slowing down enough to notice that something isn’t right.

Here are some steps toward healing:

• Acknowledge What You’re Feeling: Give yourself permission to name what’s happening without minimizing it. “I’m struggling,” is a valid place to start — even if your life looks fine on paper.

• Talk to a Professional: Therapy can help you explore the root causes of your disconnection, learn tools to manage emotional overwhelm, and rediscover parts of yourself that may have been buried beneath busyness.

• Create Space for Stillness: It can feel scary to slow down, but silence and rest often reveal what needs your attention. Journaling, meditation, or simply going for a quiet walk can help you reconnect with your inner world.

• Re-evaluate Your “Normal”: Sometimes, what we’ve accepted as “just how life is” is actually a pattern of emotional burnout. Therapy can help you explore new ways of living that prioritize joy, boundaries, and meaning.

• Reconnect with Others (Safely): You don’t have to overshare to stop isolating. Even simple, honest check-ins with trusted people can begin to soften the loneliness.

Final Thoughts

Walking depression may be invisible to others — and even to you — but it’s real, and it matters. If Sara’s story resonated with you, know this: you’re not broken, lazy, or ungrateful. You’re human, and healing is possible. You don’t have to keep pretending you're okay when you're not.

There is strength in being honest about your struggle. And there is freedom in finally being seen — even if it starts with seeing yourself.

I wish you well on your journey 💚💚

Cristina Chinchilla LCSW