Becoming You: How to Show Up As The Best Version of Yourself

Have you ever wondered, “What does the best version of myself even look like?” or “How can I tell if I’m growing, healing, or changing for the better?” If so, you’re not the only one. These are some of the most common questions I hear from clients of all ages and backgrounds.

I still remember the first time a patient asked me this question.  I was a baby social worker, interning at a treatment center.   I didn’t know quite how to answer. I have to say, its a damn good question! It's one I’ve spent a lot of time exploring—both professionally and personally.

So let’s talk about what it means to become you, and how we define the “best version” of ourselves.

To truly know who you are, you often have to first uncover who you are not.

There is a question that is deeply rooted in spiritual and philosophical traditions. 

“Who am I?” 

In Hindu philosophy. It was most famously explored by Ramana Maharshi, a 20th-century Indian sage who taught that self-inquiry leads to the discovery of the true self—beyond ego and identity. In this view, the question isn't meant to be answered intellectually, but rather to help dissolve false identifications (such as name, role, body, or mind) and awaken a deeper recognition of the self as pure awareness or consciousness.

Similarly, in Ancient Greece, the philosopher Socrates—through Plato’s writings—urged self-examination with the famous phrase, “Know thyself.” He believed that understanding oneself was essential for living a virtuous and meaningful life.

Through the lens of Existentialism in the 19th and 20th centuries, thinkers like Søren Kierkegaard, Friedrich Nietzsche, Jean-Paul Sartre, and Simone de Beauvoir explored the nature of identity, meaning, and authenticity. Sartre, for instance, argued that humans are “condemned to be free,” meaning that

 "we must define ourselves through our choices and actions—because there is no pre-written script or fixed essence of who we are."

Even in modern psychology, the question of identity persists. Carl Jung’s concept of the Self as a deeper wholeness is something we move toward in a process he called individuation. Meanwhile, Erik Erikson explored the question through the lens of development, particularly in his stage of identity vs. role confusion.

There’s a clear pattern here—one that likely dates back to cave walls and the earliest moments of human reflection. Since the dawn of time, people have asked some version of the same question: What does it mean to become the best version of myself?

Here’s where we can sometimes get stuck:

We imagine the “best version” of ourselves as a fixed destination—someone we’ll become once we’ve healed enough, worked enough, grown enough, or checked off a long list of goals.

It’s an idealistic image of some final, flawless version of ourselves waiting at the end of the road.

But that version doesn’t actually exist and never will. 

We are learning, growing, and evolving until the very end of our lives. And even though we’re biologically wired to resist change, change is the only constant. That alone tosses the old myth of “they’re just set in their ways” right out the window.

Personal growth is about living in alignment with your values, your truth, and your evolving self.

We don’t become our best selves once. We become them over and over again—in different seasons, roles, and challenges.

Your “best” in survival mode may look very different from your best in a season of peace—and both are valid.

We spend our lives rediscovering who we are, and part of that process is constantly sifting through the pile of messages the world throws at us about who we’re supposed to be.

Maybe your birth order came with an unspoken role.

Maybe your socioeconomic background shaped what you thought was possible.

Maybe your family labeled you: the smart one, the troublemaker, the pretty one, the athletic one.

And the rest of the world joins in, layering on more labels and expectations of who they think we should be.

There is a version of your true self, beneath all of those labels that were not fair and never you. 

YOU GET TO DECIDE WHO YOU ARE!

You get to redefine your “best self” as many times as you need to—because that decision is yours, and it’s meant to evolve.

Growth isn’t always visible to others (or even yourself). And it's usually not very comfortable.  

Sometimes it looks like:

• Setting boundaries and sticking to it.
• Saying "no" without overly explaining yourself. 
• Sitting with your feelings instead of avoidance
• Choosing rest instead of proving your worth.
• Deleting that paragraph and just texting "ok".
• Trying and failing and trying and failing multiple times
• Simply recognizing a negative pattern (even if you have not figured out how to change it yet). 
• Spending time with people that leave you feeling uplifted
• Beginnings
• Endings
• Feeling less anxiety
• Making your bed
• Not getting on your phone for the first hour of the day
• Taking a shower when you are depressed and don't want to get out of bed. 
• Vulnerability

These are often subtle shifts that do not look like a big deal on the outside but inside, they're life changing. 

Becoming the best version of yourself might not come with a big moment of clarity. Sometimes it’s just the simple decision to choose differently.

You don’t need to chase an idealized version of yourself to prove you're growing.

As you move through life, you begin to discover more of who you are and your direction will often shift in pursuit of her, the way sunflowers turn to follow the sun. 

Ask yourself, “What feels aligned for me today?”

That answer may change tomorrow and that's OK! You are are always going to be a beautiful work in progress. The marble used to create the Michelangelo's David, was already precious, even before the the carving began. 

So, all of this is to say—

If you’re wondering how to grow into the best version of yourself…

you probably already are!!

I wish you well on your journey, 

Cristina Chinchilla, LCSW