Psych Buzzwords, Debunked: Gaslighting
But there’s a double edge to this awareness. With so much psychology content circulating on social media, important concepts sometimes get misused or watered down. A single trending video can take a clinical term and strip it of its true meaning. Words like gaslighting, narcissist, or love bombing can easily become catch-all insults, or worse—minimize very real experiences of harm.
That’s why I’ve decided to launch a series unpacking some of these buzzwords. My goal is to clear the air, give context, and help us use this language in ways that validate rather than harm.
And where better to begin than with a fan favorite? Let’s talk about what gaslighting really means—where the term comes from, how to recognize it, and why understanding it matters in our relationships and daily lives.
What is Gaslighting?
The term gaslighting comes from a 1938 play by British playwright Patrick Hamilton called Gas Light. In the story, a husband deliberately manipulates his wife into questioning her reality and sanity. One of the ways he does this is by dimming the gas lights in their home. When his wife notices and comments on it, he insists that the lights have not changed at all. Over time, he uses many similar tactics such as hiding objects, denying conversations, twisting facts to make her doubt her memory, perception and even her mental stability.
This form of psychological abuse was so striking that the play’s title became shorthand for this kind of manipulation. By the 1960s and 70s, psychologists had begun using gaslighting as a clinical term to describe patterns of emotional abuse in which one person systematically makes another doubt their reality.
So when we use the word gaslighting today, it isn’t just about lying or disagreeing—it’s about a deliberate pattern of manipulation designed to make someone question their own sense of truth.
Gaslighting vs. Lying
Gaslighting is commonly confused with lying and they are not the same thing. Lying can exist without gaslighting however, gaslighting cannot exist without lying.
Lying is when someone tells an untruth—maybe to cover their tracks, avoid consequences, or get what they want. Lies can be hurtful, but a single lie on its own doesn’t automatically mean gaslighting.
Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a pattern of lies, denials, and manipulations aimed at making you doubt your own reality. It’s not just about hiding the truth—it’s about actively undermining your ability to trust your memory, feelings, or perception.
Key Differences
Intent
Lying: The intent is usually to avoid getting caught, to impress, or to protect oneself.
Gaslighting: The intent is to destabilize you, so you second-guess yourself and become easier to control.
Frequency
Lying: May be a one-off or occasional occurrence.
Gaslighting: Happens consistently over time, becoming a psychological strategy.
Impact on You
Lying: You may feel hurt, betrayed, or angry, but your sense of reality is still intact.
Example Contrast
Lie: A partner says, “I wasn’t at the bar,” when they actually were.
Gaslighting: A partner says, “I wasn’t at the bar—you’re imagining things. You’re always so paranoid. You really can’t trust your own memory, can you?”
See the difference? The first is dishonest, the second actively makes you distrust yourself.
Gaslighting vs. Lying: A Quick Checklist
If it’s just lying…
One-time or occasional dishonesty
About covering up or avoiding consequences
Leaves you feeling hurt or betrayed
Your sense of reality stays intact
If it’s gaslighting…
Happens repeatedly over time
Intentionally makes you doubt your memory, feelings, or perception
Often includes dismissive phrases like “you’re overreacting” or “you’re imagining things”
Leaves you confused, second-guessing, or questioning your sanity
Creates dependence on the person doing the gaslighting
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