Psych Buzzwords, Debunked: Love Bombing

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One of the things I love about our growing cultural conversations around relationships is how people are becoming more attuned to red flags. I see clients, friends, and even teens online identifying unhealthy dynamics and naming them—which is powerful. But as with many psychological terms that go viral, some words start to get stretched so far they lose their real meaning.

One of those buzzwords? Love bombing.
 On social media, I’ve seen people call it love bombing when someone texts back quickly, gives compliments, or is simply enthusiastic early on. But that’s not what the term was meant to describe—and when we misuse it, we risk blurring the line between genuine affection and emotional manipulation.


That’s why I’m continuing this series to unpack these trending concepts and bring clarity. Today, let’s dig into what love bombing really is, what it isn’t, and why the distinction matters.

What is Love Bombing?

Love bombing is a manipulative tactic most often used in toxic or abusive relationships. It involves overwhelming someone with excessive affection, attention, and grand gestures early on—not out of genuine care, but as a way to gain control.


The goal is to quickly create dependency, so the other person feels swept off their feet, indebted, and less likely to question red flags. This “high” is often followed by sudden withdrawal, criticism, or devaluation once the abuser feels secure that their partner is hooked.


In short: love bombing isn’t about too much love—it’s about control disguised as love.

Love Bombing vs. Genuine Affection

This is where people get confused. Being excited about someone new, sending sweet messages, or wanting to spend time together isn’t automatically toxic.


Let’s compare:


Healthy Affection:

  • Compliments and attention are steady and consistent.

  • Relationship pace is mutual and comfortable.

  • Love is expressed in ways that respect boundaries.

  • Affection doesn’t vanish the moment you express your needs.

Love Bombing:

  • Over-the-top gestures (lavish gifts, constant texts, intense declarations) very early on.

  • Pressure to commit quickly (“you’re my soulmate,” “let’s move in together”).

  • Little room for boundaries—attention feels smothering, not supportive.

  • Followed by withdrawal, criticism, or emotional whiplash once you’re attached.

Love Bombing vs. Genuine Affection: A Quick Checklist

If it’s just healthy affection…

  • Feels safe, not overwhelming

  • Builds gradually over time

  • Respects your boundaries

  • Remains steady and reliable

If it’s love bombing…

  • Feels intense, rushed, or “too much too soon”

  • Overwhelms with gifts, texts, or declarations

  • Pressures you into quick commitment

  • Is inconsistent—grand gestures followed by withdrawal or devaluation

Why This Distinction Matters

When we label every sweet gesture as “love bombing,” we risk creating fear around healthy intimacy. Not every bouquet of flowers or flurry of texts is manipulation.


At the same time, downplaying real love bombing can minimize the harm it causes. Victims often describe the experience as dizzying: one minute they’re showered with affection, the next they’re torn down. That cycle is what makes this pattern so damaging.


Final Thoughts
If you’ve ever wondered whether someone was love bombing you, know that you’re not alone—this term gets thrown around so casually online that it can feel hard to know what’s “too much” versus what’s simply excitement and care. The truth is, healthy love doesn’t come with pressure, confusion, or emotional whiplash. It grows steadily, respects your boundaries, and leaves you feeling safe.

Love bombing, on the other hand, may feel intoxicating at first, but it often leaves you drained, doubting yourself, and questioning where you stand. That’s why naming it correctly matters: it protects survivors, gives language to harmful patterns, and helps us all feel more grounded in recognizing what love should and should not feel like.

I wish you well on your journey 💛💛


Cristina Chinchilla, LCSW


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